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    July 06

    Goodness is timeless

       老王去世整整50天了,我浑浑噩噩醒着梦游了50天。50天后我重新捧起一本书,登上TLS,想起老王去世前一天莫名赞我“你真的很有学问……”,忽然像一记棒喝,敲醒魂归他处的脑袋:原来50天前的我,是这种活法。
       50天前,老王还活生生的,白净、利落,走路慢慢悠悠的晃悠,温柔的笑。像是早预料到自己人生短暂,拼命的把时间掰开,如愿成为人民网最年轻的频道总编,如果人生再走一次,他还是会这么拼吧,敬畏命运却又不服命运的战士。他走过数不清的城市和国家、认识形形色色的人、经历过苦难和荣耀、做过很多善事,匆匆忙忙的体验了绝大多数人一生都未曾体验的经历。
       我读过许多明理、通慧、指点人生的圣贤书,但真正把这些信念变成现实的力量赋予我的,却是老王。翻看一页页文章,读到他会感兴趣的题目,才猛然察觉,那个让我迷恋的家伙,竟然真的走了。渐渐想起50天前的事,那种撕心裂肺的痛苦堵在胸口,像被绝望紧紧包围的泥潭,越陷越深,接下来的日子……不记得了,恍惚看了很多爱情片,灵魂活在别人的爱情里,多美好……我不愿意还魂,它太羸弱。
       照他的个性,应该在上面举杯推盏邀屈子吧,人间的爱怨情仇再与他无关。
       最近常想起奥登最后一句诗:goodness is timeless……老王一生都是一场善良,利利索索的潇洒为人,怎会有终呢?
      
       

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